I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i believe in u and ur pee
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
