i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
