Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
