I think my fart just growled at me.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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