I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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