my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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