She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
