we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
