planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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