So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
