Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
