U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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