So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
