Ketchup is God's man juice
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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