Jerry, you need to find god
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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