pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize