Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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