At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
