sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You smell like stripper and shame
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Randomize
