you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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