i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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