Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
