awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
