they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
