Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
