i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
