omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
