no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
