loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
