I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
