also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
