I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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