Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
