Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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