1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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