we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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