I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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