the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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