I am puke
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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