They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this boner is exhausting
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
