we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
