He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
