no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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