went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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