Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
