How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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