bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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