a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
