u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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