Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't put those talents on a resume
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
