my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
