im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
