At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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