Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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