worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
