I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
