I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
