I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
