don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
