She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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