Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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