I hate all girls vehemently.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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