A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
