the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
