If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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