my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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