did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
